I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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