I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
