break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
