Even water is tasting like jack daniels
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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