dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
