I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
