Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
