i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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