Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
