You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
