its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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