oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
