I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
