I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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