There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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