If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Im part way to drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need a beard to bite.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
