Umm I'm too high to move.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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