I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
