I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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