Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
