i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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