Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
