if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
