i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
