thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
