I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
