rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
