I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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