how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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