:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
