meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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