You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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