I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
