Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
