That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
third nipple confirmed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
