i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
