Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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