just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
