You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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