I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
