This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
