i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
