I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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