2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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