He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Randomize
