She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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