just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
