I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
