I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
