Pants 0. Shit 1.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
