I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i can't believe i had my finger in that
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
